treefrog: treefrog silhouetted through a leaf (Default)
[personal profile] treefrog
So, it's... been a while, hasn't it?

I barely write anything anymore, and I miss it.

In preparation for our upcoming move to BC, I've been going through my storage, some of which I haven't looked at properly since high school. I used to write all the time. There are books and books filled with my handwriting, which was much better then than it is now.

I was a pretty good writer then, too. I was also quite pretty--I wish I'd been able to see it. I wish I'd been at liberty to use it while I had it.

But then... there were quite a few mementos from boyfriends and would-be boyfriends. I decided not to throw all of them out. I kept the ones from my high school boyfriend, even though I felt an unexpected pang at the one letter of his I opened and read. I really loved him. I really, really did.

As always, throwing out useless crap is a huge relief. Old movie tickets! Outdated resumes! Music from choirs I sung in when I was in high school! UofA registration crap! Cheques from three addresses ago! WHY???

And Church Stuff! HOLY CRAP with the Church Stuff! Cutesy papers with cutesy inspirational sayings (Mormon females are bombarded with cuteness from the cradle to the grave), pamphlets outlines the details of all the rules, rules rules, bits of who-knows-what with lace attached, various copies of various church-related books... and more cutesy stuff with even cutesier sayings, holy crap, where did it all come from and why did I save it?

It felt good to throw it all away.

Except the stuff I didn't throw away. Stuff from friends. Pictures from camps. Memories of people I loved. I'd say I kept... maybe a tenth of it?

Anything that I connected to feeling good about myself, I kept. Anything that made me wince, I tossed. Except my writing. I kept all of that, even the poetry. It's bad, but I think I see some of what I couldn't see before, that other people saw in me.

I'd like to be that person again. I don't know if I can be that person again.

But I can be a person who writes, and so I shall.
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treefrog: treefrog silhouetted through a leaf (Default)

September 2012


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