The Other Side of the Family
Jun. 19th, 2011 01:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
treefrogDave and I are leaving tomorrow for a trip to Vancouver to visit his family. I'm looking forward to it, for the most part. It'll be nice to get away from here for a while and we're planning to do some fun stuff like visiting the Stanley Park Aquarium.
I'm less psyched about the whole Visiting-Dave's-Family part.
We're staying the first night at Dave's father's house. Dave's father, who has known about this trip for two months, and who decided last week to schedule a camping trip so that he would only be in the same town as us for one day. And who decided last night to leave early for the camping trip, so that he would only have to interact with us for, like, ten minutes or so while he hands over the keys.
My theory is as follows: The man recently came into a lot of money and won't say how. He gave a bunch of this money to Dave's older brother... and by "a bunch of money" I mean "enough to buy a house". Dave's Grandfather died last year and we know there was an inheritance, and that Dave's father is notorious for taking Dave's share of any money that comes their way and giving it to Johnny instead. In this light, my dear father-in-law's hasty departure from our presence looks an awful lot like a cockroach scampering away when someone hits the light switch.
Don't get me wrong. I don't give a shit about the money, and I'm certainly not disappointed that I won't have to spend a few days, or even a few hours, being polite to this jerk and his horrendous girlfriend Vera (who is worse than Dave's dad, because at least he knows that many of the things he says and does are wrong and tries to hide them or justify them, however ineffectually. She just doesn't care). What bothers me here is that no matter how much of a waste of oxygen this guy is, he's my husband's father, and no matter what Dave says about this, it hurts him that his father would deliberately reschedule a trip in order to avoid having to see him. He says it's fine, he says he doesn't want to see the bastard anyway, but it still hurts him. Hell, I feel a little bit hurt, and I'd rather be civil to a tarantula than to this jackass.
We're mostly going to be staying with Dave's maternal grandparents because they have a room to spare. I've met them once and they're nice people. Dave's grandfather isn't doing well these days--he's sick, and has episodes of dementia--and this is most likely the last time we'll ever see him. This is difficult for Dave, because his grandpa stood up for him through Johnny's bullying and was generally there for him for his whole life. I'm worried about Dave, mostly. I think it will be painful for him to see his grandpa so diminished from how he remembers him.
We'll be spending most of our time with Dave's mom and her family. I like Joan. I never have any idea what on earth to say to her, but I suppose that's okay because she loves to talk and doesn't leave me with too many awkward silences to fill. I will be on my absolute number one best behavior for Joan, because she loves Dave unconditionally and has never been anything but kind to him. The only thing that really drives me nuts about her is that she is exceedingly touchy-feely. The first time I met her, she wanted to hug me every few minutes and lead me around by the arm and pat my hands and my shoulders and I had to plumb the depths of my soul to find the patience and tolerance to avoid screaming or curling up into a ball.
Dave tells me that he's spoken with her about this. Imagining Dave trying to explain introvert-stuff to Joan is... I don't know if it makes me want to laugh or cry. It's like wondering how a bird would explain to another bird why moles are happy underground. But regardless of how well this explanation stuck, I will be nice. Not just polite. Nice. She's one of... five?... people from Dave's side who came to our wedding, and one of three who did so without anyone having to beg her. For that, I can be nice to her until the end of the world.
That said, I have been given official permission not to be polite to Joan's husband or stepson (who, between them, do not have the social graces or the IQ of a cactus), should I feel that being rude would serve me better. This permission comes not only from Dave, but from Joan herself. I just hope it doesn't come to that. Yes, I can be spectacularly rude, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it.
Finally, and similarly, I will be meeting Dave's brother. That is, if he doesn't back out, which I'd bet good money that he will. I'm not even going to try to explain the situation between Dave and his brother. There is a definite chance that jackassery will be perpetrated and, as with Joan's husband, certain people seem to be looking forward with a certain amount of sadistic glee to Johnny attempting to mess with me. Dave thinks it should be okay, because he figures Johnny will like me because I don't take any crap from Vera the Horrendous, but other people figure he'll be rude to me and I'll blow up at him and everyone will get to cheer for me.
I'm not at all comfortable with the way some people seem to regard me as a mostly-tame dragon who can be let off the leash when they need someone scary to back them up. They don't understand that I hate fighting. I hate bullies even more than I hate fighting, and yes, I can hurt people, but that doesn't mean I want to. It's like assuming that because I have a block full of sharp knives in my kitchen, I must be itching for a human target to stab. They don't get that it hurts me too.
Despite all this, I am looking forward to the trip. Vancouver is gorgeous, not to mention interesting because I am planning to move there, and it will be a relief to have a change of scenery. I don't think anything out-of-hand will happen (mostly because the worst offenders will be fleeing the scene). People there have, for the most part, good intentions towards Dave and me. And I do want to get to know my new family better.
So wish me luck and hope I don't need it.
I'm less psyched about the whole Visiting-Dave's-Family part.
We're staying the first night at Dave's father's house. Dave's father, who has known about this trip for two months, and who decided last week to schedule a camping trip so that he would only be in the same town as us for one day. And who decided last night to leave early for the camping trip, so that he would only have to interact with us for, like, ten minutes or so while he hands over the keys.
My theory is as follows: The man recently came into a lot of money and won't say how. He gave a bunch of this money to Dave's older brother... and by "a bunch of money" I mean "enough to buy a house". Dave's Grandfather died last year and we know there was an inheritance, and that Dave's father is notorious for taking Dave's share of any money that comes their way and giving it to Johnny instead. In this light, my dear father-in-law's hasty departure from our presence looks an awful lot like a cockroach scampering away when someone hits the light switch.
Don't get me wrong. I don't give a shit about the money, and I'm certainly not disappointed that I won't have to spend a few days, or even a few hours, being polite to this jerk and his horrendous girlfriend Vera (who is worse than Dave's dad, because at least he knows that many of the things he says and does are wrong and tries to hide them or justify them, however ineffectually. She just doesn't care). What bothers me here is that no matter how much of a waste of oxygen this guy is, he's my husband's father, and no matter what Dave says about this, it hurts him that his father would deliberately reschedule a trip in order to avoid having to see him. He says it's fine, he says he doesn't want to see the bastard anyway, but it still hurts him. Hell, I feel a little bit hurt, and I'd rather be civil to a tarantula than to this jackass.
We're mostly going to be staying with Dave's maternal grandparents because they have a room to spare. I've met them once and they're nice people. Dave's grandfather isn't doing well these days--he's sick, and has episodes of dementia--and this is most likely the last time we'll ever see him. This is difficult for Dave, because his grandpa stood up for him through Johnny's bullying and was generally there for him for his whole life. I'm worried about Dave, mostly. I think it will be painful for him to see his grandpa so diminished from how he remembers him.
We'll be spending most of our time with Dave's mom and her family. I like Joan. I never have any idea what on earth to say to her, but I suppose that's okay because she loves to talk and doesn't leave me with too many awkward silences to fill. I will be on my absolute number one best behavior for Joan, because she loves Dave unconditionally and has never been anything but kind to him. The only thing that really drives me nuts about her is that she is exceedingly touchy-feely. The first time I met her, she wanted to hug me every few minutes and lead me around by the arm and pat my hands and my shoulders and I had to plumb the depths of my soul to find the patience and tolerance to avoid screaming or curling up into a ball.
Dave tells me that he's spoken with her about this. Imagining Dave trying to explain introvert-stuff to Joan is... I don't know if it makes me want to laugh or cry. It's like wondering how a bird would explain to another bird why moles are happy underground. But regardless of how well this explanation stuck, I will be nice. Not just polite. Nice. She's one of... five?... people from Dave's side who came to our wedding, and one of three who did so without anyone having to beg her. For that, I can be nice to her until the end of the world.
That said, I have been given official permission not to be polite to Joan's husband or stepson (who, between them, do not have the social graces or the IQ of a cactus), should I feel that being rude would serve me better. This permission comes not only from Dave, but from Joan herself. I just hope it doesn't come to that. Yes, I can be spectacularly rude, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it.
Finally, and similarly, I will be meeting Dave's brother. That is, if he doesn't back out, which I'd bet good money that he will. I'm not even going to try to explain the situation between Dave and his brother. There is a definite chance that jackassery will be perpetrated and, as with Joan's husband, certain people seem to be looking forward with a certain amount of sadistic glee to Johnny attempting to mess with me. Dave thinks it should be okay, because he figures Johnny will like me because I don't take any crap from Vera the Horrendous, but other people figure he'll be rude to me and I'll blow up at him and everyone will get to cheer for me.
I'm not at all comfortable with the way some people seem to regard me as a mostly-tame dragon who can be let off the leash when they need someone scary to back them up. They don't understand that I hate fighting. I hate bullies even more than I hate fighting, and yes, I can hurt people, but that doesn't mean I want to. It's like assuming that because I have a block full of sharp knives in my kitchen, I must be itching for a human target to stab. They don't get that it hurts me too.
Despite all this, I am looking forward to the trip. Vancouver is gorgeous, not to mention interesting because I am planning to move there, and it will be a relief to have a change of scenery. I don't think anything out-of-hand will happen (mostly because the worst offenders will be fleeing the scene). People there have, for the most part, good intentions towards Dave and me. And I do want to get to know my new family better.
So wish me luck and hope I don't need it.
