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Dear Summer 2011: STOP GIVING ME DISAPPOINTING MOVIES!
We went and saw Captain America on Saturday, and it was... okay, but something about it annoyed me, and I've only just now clued in what, exactly, was bothering me.
So, you've got this scrawny guy, and the movie is at pains to emphasize that being scrawny causes him no end of difficulty. They put in the obligatory shots of him being clever and good and nice so that we remember to come away with a lesson about appearances or some such Hollywoodish thing, but it doesn't work because these scenes are outnumbered and overshadowed by scenes intended to demonstrate that being physically sub-par makes you, well, kinda lame. And according to this film, no matter how awesome you are, if you are not physically awesome, you're probably stuck being kinda lame, because you probably don't have access to...
...a magical Hollywood doodad that gets rid of the one thing that was the source of every single one of your problems by making you tall and buff.
Seriously, that's how it came across. He loses his physical limitations and immediately becomes badass and awesome and adored by everyone except the Nazis. There is no adjustment period, no discovery that moving into new territory generally means the discovery of new problems, no looking back at all. A magic button is pushed, physical sub-par-ness is banished and *poof!*, awesomeness ensues!
I hope I don't need to point out what this implies about people in real life who have body-related challenges, but it goes even further than that. Nobody has one thing, mental or physical, that is the source of all of their problems. Nobody has one thing that is "what's holding them back".
I'm reminded of people who start taking antidepressants and expect the whole world to fix itself. Antidepressants (if you're lucky) will clear the trash out of your inner landscape. If you want the world around you to be affected, you still need to do it yourself. Or, for that matter, people who find out that I grew up in a conservative, religious family and immediately assume that that's why I have trouble with [insert problem here]. The fact is that, if I could go back in time and cleanse my past of all contact with the religious right, I would still not be some sort of magical problem-free woman!
I could also grumble about wasting a perfectly good story about a scrawny asthmatic dude who is just as effective at taking out Hollywood Nazis as a large, scuplted bruiser-type guy, but I'm aware they were working with a pre-established character and couldn't do that in this movie. Even so... no love at all for small, wimpy-looking characters who can still kick your ass? Not even an attempt at admitting that this guy could still have been awesome even without looking like a model? Really? Well, movie-makers, to you I say: *facepalm*.
Oh, and next time you want to portray a little guy, get a real one. Whatever photoshoppy stuff you did to Chris Evans to make him look small only succeeded in making him look subtly, but hair-raisingly, Uncanny-valley-esque. His head was ever-so-slightly out of proportion with the rest of his body, and his whole self was just the tiniest bit out of proportion and... out of phase? Out of whack? Out of something... with everything else on the screen. It was hella creepy. If you really must attempt to shrink people, go watch the Lord of the Rings movies and do whatever they did.
*subsides and slinks off to find dinner*
So, you've got this scrawny guy, and the movie is at pains to emphasize that being scrawny causes him no end of difficulty. They put in the obligatory shots of him being clever and good and nice so that we remember to come away with a lesson about appearances or some such Hollywoodish thing, but it doesn't work because these scenes are outnumbered and overshadowed by scenes intended to demonstrate that being physically sub-par makes you, well, kinda lame. And according to this film, no matter how awesome you are, if you are not physically awesome, you're probably stuck being kinda lame, because you probably don't have access to...
...a magical Hollywood doodad that gets rid of the one thing that was the source of every single one of your problems by making you tall and buff.
Seriously, that's how it came across. He loses his physical limitations and immediately becomes badass and awesome and adored by everyone except the Nazis. There is no adjustment period, no discovery that moving into new territory generally means the discovery of new problems, no looking back at all. A magic button is pushed, physical sub-par-ness is banished and *poof!*, awesomeness ensues!
I hope I don't need to point out what this implies about people in real life who have body-related challenges, but it goes even further than that. Nobody has one thing, mental or physical, that is the source of all of their problems. Nobody has one thing that is "what's holding them back".
I'm reminded of people who start taking antidepressants and expect the whole world to fix itself. Antidepressants (if you're lucky) will clear the trash out of your inner landscape. If you want the world around you to be affected, you still need to do it yourself. Or, for that matter, people who find out that I grew up in a conservative, religious family and immediately assume that that's why I have trouble with [insert problem here]. The fact is that, if I could go back in time and cleanse my past of all contact with the religious right, I would still not be some sort of magical problem-free woman!
I could also grumble about wasting a perfectly good story about a scrawny asthmatic dude who is just as effective at taking out Hollywood Nazis as a large, scuplted bruiser-type guy, but I'm aware they were working with a pre-established character and couldn't do that in this movie. Even so... no love at all for small, wimpy-looking characters who can still kick your ass? Not even an attempt at admitting that this guy could still have been awesome even without looking like a model? Really? Well, movie-makers, to you I say: *facepalm*.
Oh, and next time you want to portray a little guy, get a real one. Whatever photoshoppy stuff you did to Chris Evans to make him look small only succeeded in making him look subtly, but hair-raisingly, Uncanny-valley-esque. His head was ever-so-slightly out of proportion with the rest of his body, and his whole self was just the tiniest bit out of proportion and... out of phase? Out of whack? Out of something... with everything else on the screen. It was hella creepy. If you really must attempt to shrink people, go watch the Lord of the Rings movies and do whatever they did.
*subsides and slinks off to find dinner*