First Entry

So, I've wandered over to the fabled Dreamwidth to see what it's all about. I'm hoping to meet new people and get a fresh start on the whole Internet Journalling thing. I'm feeling a bit lost and adrift over on livejournal, and I'm not sure why. I miss blogging, though, so here I am.

Also, I'll be honest and say that my husband reads my LJ. I don't mind that, but I'd like a journal that he doesn't read.

If you don't know me, I'm a university student, I'm married, I'm 30 years old and a total geek. Feel free to add me. Unless you smell like a troll (of the internet variety, that is) I will add you back.

30 Days Meme... sure, why not?

I don't normally do these things but it seems like a not-half-bad way to get the proverbial ball rolling. Since I've already written my profile AND an introductory entry today, I'm skipping to question 2: Your First Love.

I know this isn't what the question means, but my first and purest love was language. I had first-grade language skills when I was two years old. I talked everyone's ear off. I've mostly moved my chatter to the internet, but nothing has really changed.

The first guy I fell in love with... oh wow. I haven't thought of Graham in so very long. I was fifteen years old and he was seventeen. He was six foot four and wore metal band t-shirts and read all the same books I did. He was a gentle soul, and he loved me. He was the first guy who ever got my blood racing and my heart hammering. We used to make out on the floor of his bedroom, rolling around on the rich green carpet. If I have any regrets about Graham, it's that I didn't sleep with him. I couldn't. I was a good (read: frightened) little Mormon girl. We broke it off because he got into drugs and drinking, which was a place I couldn't follow him to. I didn't hear from him for a year, but we became close friends later on. Last I heard, he was wanted by the police. I still miss him, when something reminds me of him, and I hope to God he's all right.

I suppose I ought to mention the first guy I did sleep with. I was 22 and so sick of being good and following all the rules. I knew he was trouble. But he was handsome and he made me laugh and he knew what he was doing when he touched me. The first few months were wonderful. He was gentle and attentive and wonderfully naughty. After that... not so much. He did things I didn't like, and if I said no, he resorted to emotional blackmail and, occasionally, just holding me down and doing it anyway. He was "poly" in his own words and "a cheating jackass" in most other peoples' words. He wanted to sleep with other women, but he didn't tell me this 'till I caught him doing so. And then I was "being restrictive". He hurt me more than I thought I could bear. Breaking up with him was one of the best favors I ever did for myself. When I came back from California, I saw him occasionally and we became friends. Very occasionally, this friendship had "benefits". On those occasions he treated me like he did when we were first together. I didn't want him back, but... I was bored, I guess? No idea what's become of him lately. I don't miss him, but I wish him well.

( The Meme: )