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Apr. 2nd, 2011 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
treefrogGetting out of bed has been damn near impossible this past little while. So I finally stopped talking myself out of going to see the counselor at school. Contrary to what I fear every time I go looking for help, I wasn't told that the answer was that I'm weak, or pathetic, or just not trying hard enough. It helped, somewhat, to go over everything that's been weighing on me and understand that there is a reason I'm feeling burned down to nothing, that it's not just a random failure.
People have been telling me all my life, usually in am amused sort of way, to relax, to not be so tense. I always knew what they meant, but it was always so much easier said than done. I wanted to relax, I just didn't really know how.
It was kind of a relief to be told, not just to relax but to be given some things to do in order to relax. There are two things I need to work on this week:
1. Stop grinding my teeth. I brought this up myself, because I've been so tense that I've given myself headaches by constantly grinding my teeth. My jaw hurts, and my right ear feels tingly and weird from ache in my jaw. I'm working on consciously relaxing my jaw. It's harder than you might think. Part of that habit is that I have this weird revulsion for breathing through my mouth when something smells bad, or when there are a lot of other people around me. When the depression/anxiety kicks in, pretty much every smell is somehow upsetting, so I clamp my mouth shut. However, I'm finding that by consciously relaxing my jaw, I concentrate on things other than whatever is upsetting me, and I inch a little nearer to the realization that tensing up doesn't help, and relaxing doesn't hurt.
2. Finding physical things that I associate with feeling safe and relaxed. The counselor noticed that I fidget a lot with my jewelry. I'm supposed to pay attention to my fidgeting and see if conscious fidgeting helps me to relax. I told him that being with Dave makes me feel safe and calm. He told me to find something that reminds me of Dave, be it my wedding ring or something else small and portable, and try to focus on that when I feel tense and/or threatened.
Another idea that came up a lot was the reminder that I am not Superwoman, and that a lot of people are coming down with some pretty heavy depression after a cold, mostly lightless winter with a late spring. Everyone runs up against their own breaking point sometimes. Right now, I've found mine. I'm still going. I'm still fighting. I'm told it's okay, that I can forgive myself for this hurting. I'm not quite there yet.
People have been telling me all my life, usually in am amused sort of way, to relax, to not be so tense. I always knew what they meant, but it was always so much easier said than done. I wanted to relax, I just didn't really know how.
It was kind of a relief to be told, not just to relax but to be given some things to do in order to relax. There are two things I need to work on this week:
1. Stop grinding my teeth. I brought this up myself, because I've been so tense that I've given myself headaches by constantly grinding my teeth. My jaw hurts, and my right ear feels tingly and weird from ache in my jaw. I'm working on consciously relaxing my jaw. It's harder than you might think. Part of that habit is that I have this weird revulsion for breathing through my mouth when something smells bad, or when there are a lot of other people around me. When the depression/anxiety kicks in, pretty much every smell is somehow upsetting, so I clamp my mouth shut. However, I'm finding that by consciously relaxing my jaw, I concentrate on things other than whatever is upsetting me, and I inch a little nearer to the realization that tensing up doesn't help, and relaxing doesn't hurt.
2. Finding physical things that I associate with feeling safe and relaxed. The counselor noticed that I fidget a lot with my jewelry. I'm supposed to pay attention to my fidgeting and see if conscious fidgeting helps me to relax. I told him that being with Dave makes me feel safe and calm. He told me to find something that reminds me of Dave, be it my wedding ring or something else small and portable, and try to focus on that when I feel tense and/or threatened.
Another idea that came up a lot was the reminder that I am not Superwoman, and that a lot of people are coming down with some pretty heavy depression after a cold, mostly lightless winter with a late spring. Everyone runs up against their own breaking point sometimes. Right now, I've found mine. I'm still going. I'm still fighting. I'm told it's okay, that I can forgive myself for this hurting. I'm not quite there yet.
