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treefrogThe Vancouver trip went very, very well. Everyone was on their best behavior (except my father-in-law, but I don't think he has a best behavior) so I didn't have to yell at anybody.
The first night kinda sucked. We had dinner with Dave's dad, who was, of course, a complete jackass. But I discovered something about him: he talks constantly, but doesn't seem overly concerned what he talks about. He just sorta naturally gravitates towards saying annoying/offensive/thoughtless things to Dave, and just sorta naturally ignores me. But I discovered he's like a radio with a broken power switch; you can't turn him off, but you can change the channel.
So I sat there bleary-eyed and headachy from the change in altitude and spent the entire dinner pretending to be passionately interested in RV's, since he was leaving for an RV convention and was happy to rattle on about them at length. He can, amusingly enough, be made to change topics mid-sentence. Apparently, rattling on about RV's is even more fun than trying to needle Dave about his flaws, because each and every one of my re-routes to RV-land was successful. Which they'd damn well better have been, because I did everything short of leaping up, brandishing my cutlery and shouting "YOU WILL TALK ABOUT RV'S AND NOTHING BUT RV'S OR SO HELP ME I WILL STAB YOU WITH A FORK".
I will never understand that man's idiotic need to dish out insults and put-downs to his son. Dave was absolutely heroic at not rising to any of the bait that got past my defensive RV barrier, but it's absurd that preparing for a dinner with him requires a council of war beforehand and coping strategies implemented throughout.
Oh, for the record? RV's are really fucking boring. I never wanna hear about them again.
Things improved vastly when we got to Joan's house. She was friendly and kind and didn't say anything too spectacularly awkward. I still have no idea what to say to her, but that's okay because between her and Dave, I didn't really need to talk much. Joan was a wonderful relief after the tension and misery of dealing with Dave's dad. She loves Dave unreservedly and isn't afraid to let him know it, and he needs that so very much. Of course I love him, but there's only one of me and it was good to have some help in letting him know that he's loved.
We stayed at Dave's grandparents' house. Charlie and Lilian are very old, very small, and very Danish. They bicker constantly, and entertainingly, in both English and Danish. Their house is full of old photos, needlepoint wall hangings and odd knick-knacks. Charlie made a lot of the furniture himself.
I've decided that getting old won't be so bad if I can be like Lilian when I'm in my nineties. If I can be a little old grandmother who lives in a house full of old photos and knick-knacks and whose cooking leaves everyone in awe, then being old will be worth it. To help with the cooking aspect of things, I've been promised a Danish cookbook. I'm not sure if this is because they think I'm a good cook or because they'll get a good laugh out of watching me try to pronounce the Danish names.
It was hard for Dave to be there, because Charlie and Lilian are selling the house as soon as they can. That house has been the same since Dave was a little kid. It was pretty much the one place that never changed for him. There's also the fact that his grandparents are in their nineties and won't likely be around much longer. Every time he visits them could be his last time seeing them, and it breaks his heart. They're the only people who've always, always been there for him.
I'm just grateful that I got to spend some time with them before they go. Lilian made a point of telling me that her family is the most important thing in the world to her, and that I was part of her family now. It made me feel better about a lot of things. It's been strange marrying into this family and being a stranger to them. I was a bit afraid that I would be an intruder, or an inconvenience, or a bad replacement for Sarah. They've been incredible about letting me know that they want me in their family, and they're happy that Dave married me, and they're grateful to me for making him so happy.
In fact, on my second day there, Lilian suddenly—and I really mean right out of the blue—grabbed me by the hand and said "You're not like Sarah. We all accepted Sarah and we all tried our best for her, but nobody really liked her. I'm so glad you're not like her." And she gave me a huge hug. Which flabbergasted me, because what on earth do you say to that? Dave was absolutely mortified and was afraid I'd be upset, but I thought it was hilarious. Lilian is the very image of a sweet little old lady. I don't think I could have imagined her bad-mouthing anyone.
I felt a bit worse about it when Dave's mom and stepfather told me more or less the same thing, but in rather more foreceful terms. I almost feel bad for Sarah. Nobody in Dave's family liked her, except perhaps his father, but he doesn't count. She's really not a likeable person at all, but seeing the wreckage of her relationships out in Vancouver made me sad for her.
I got to meet Dave's best friend Nathan, who was a total geek and with whom I got along splendidly. He had a girlfriend who was also extremely cool. We went out for sushi and sake and it was absolutely amazing. I've never had high-quality sushi before, and I learned long ago to avoid raw fish. This was completely different. This was just lovely. We went walking on the seawall afterwards, and I think that's when I decided for sure that I want to move to Vancouver, not just for Dave, but for me too. I love the ocean, and I never really stopped missing it.
We went to White Rock, too. We didn't get to stay long, but I picked up some seashells and rocks and tried to catch the little crabs that go scuttling away when you roll over a rock. I discovered that I could catch them, or photograph them, but not both. I'm still kinda crappy at using my camera phone, so the one picture I DID get was a very blurry one of a very tiny hermit crab in a pea-sized shell, scuttling about in my hand.
We also got to see the Vancouver Aquarium, which had many beautiful, fascinating, and somewhat alarming creatures. Based on the Amazon gallery, I have decided that one of my life goals is never, ever to fall into the Amazon River. It has fish that could eat me as an appetizer and still have room for lunch. The beluga whales were all kinds of awesome, though. And there was a gigantic and utterly gorgeous sea turtle.
I think what stuck in my mind most about the trip was that everyone in Dave's family thinks that it's good that I married him. They all told me he's so much happier since he's been with me, and that they're glad to have me in the family. It means a lot to me, because some days all I can see are the mistakes I make. It's good that people who care about him think I'm doing well.
The first night kinda sucked. We had dinner with Dave's dad, who was, of course, a complete jackass. But I discovered something about him: he talks constantly, but doesn't seem overly concerned what he talks about. He just sorta naturally gravitates towards saying annoying/offensive/thoughtless things to Dave, and just sorta naturally ignores me. But I discovered he's like a radio with a broken power switch; you can't turn him off, but you can change the channel.
So I sat there bleary-eyed and headachy from the change in altitude and spent the entire dinner pretending to be passionately interested in RV's, since he was leaving for an RV convention and was happy to rattle on about them at length. He can, amusingly enough, be made to change topics mid-sentence. Apparently, rattling on about RV's is even more fun than trying to needle Dave about his flaws, because each and every one of my re-routes to RV-land was successful. Which they'd damn well better have been, because I did everything short of leaping up, brandishing my cutlery and shouting "YOU WILL TALK ABOUT RV'S AND NOTHING BUT RV'S OR SO HELP ME I WILL STAB YOU WITH A FORK".
I will never understand that man's idiotic need to dish out insults and put-downs to his son. Dave was absolutely heroic at not rising to any of the bait that got past my defensive RV barrier, but it's absurd that preparing for a dinner with him requires a council of war beforehand and coping strategies implemented throughout.
Oh, for the record? RV's are really fucking boring. I never wanna hear about them again.
Things improved vastly when we got to Joan's house. She was friendly and kind and didn't say anything too spectacularly awkward. I still have no idea what to say to her, but that's okay because between her and Dave, I didn't really need to talk much. Joan was a wonderful relief after the tension and misery of dealing with Dave's dad. She loves Dave unreservedly and isn't afraid to let him know it, and he needs that so very much. Of course I love him, but there's only one of me and it was good to have some help in letting him know that he's loved.
We stayed at Dave's grandparents' house. Charlie and Lilian are very old, very small, and very Danish. They bicker constantly, and entertainingly, in both English and Danish. Their house is full of old photos, needlepoint wall hangings and odd knick-knacks. Charlie made a lot of the furniture himself.
I've decided that getting old won't be so bad if I can be like Lilian when I'm in my nineties. If I can be a little old grandmother who lives in a house full of old photos and knick-knacks and whose cooking leaves everyone in awe, then being old will be worth it. To help with the cooking aspect of things, I've been promised a Danish cookbook. I'm not sure if this is because they think I'm a good cook or because they'll get a good laugh out of watching me try to pronounce the Danish names.
It was hard for Dave to be there, because Charlie and Lilian are selling the house as soon as they can. That house has been the same since Dave was a little kid. It was pretty much the one place that never changed for him. There's also the fact that his grandparents are in their nineties and won't likely be around much longer. Every time he visits them could be his last time seeing them, and it breaks his heart. They're the only people who've always, always been there for him.
I'm just grateful that I got to spend some time with them before they go. Lilian made a point of telling me that her family is the most important thing in the world to her, and that I was part of her family now. It made me feel better about a lot of things. It's been strange marrying into this family and being a stranger to them. I was a bit afraid that I would be an intruder, or an inconvenience, or a bad replacement for Sarah. They've been incredible about letting me know that they want me in their family, and they're happy that Dave married me, and they're grateful to me for making him so happy.
In fact, on my second day there, Lilian suddenly—and I really mean right out of the blue—grabbed me by the hand and said "You're not like Sarah. We all accepted Sarah and we all tried our best for her, but nobody really liked her. I'm so glad you're not like her." And she gave me a huge hug. Which flabbergasted me, because what on earth do you say to that? Dave was absolutely mortified and was afraid I'd be upset, but I thought it was hilarious. Lilian is the very image of a sweet little old lady. I don't think I could have imagined her bad-mouthing anyone.
I felt a bit worse about it when Dave's mom and stepfather told me more or less the same thing, but in rather more foreceful terms. I almost feel bad for Sarah. Nobody in Dave's family liked her, except perhaps his father, but he doesn't count. She's really not a likeable person at all, but seeing the wreckage of her relationships out in Vancouver made me sad for her.
I got to meet Dave's best friend Nathan, who was a total geek and with whom I got along splendidly. He had a girlfriend who was also extremely cool. We went out for sushi and sake and it was absolutely amazing. I've never had high-quality sushi before, and I learned long ago to avoid raw fish. This was completely different. This was just lovely. We went walking on the seawall afterwards, and I think that's when I decided for sure that I want to move to Vancouver, not just for Dave, but for me too. I love the ocean, and I never really stopped missing it.
We went to White Rock, too. We didn't get to stay long, but I picked up some seashells and rocks and tried to catch the little crabs that go scuttling away when you roll over a rock. I discovered that I could catch them, or photograph them, but not both. I'm still kinda crappy at using my camera phone, so the one picture I DID get was a very blurry one of a very tiny hermit crab in a pea-sized shell, scuttling about in my hand.
We also got to see the Vancouver Aquarium, which had many beautiful, fascinating, and somewhat alarming creatures. Based on the Amazon gallery, I have decided that one of my life goals is never, ever to fall into the Amazon River. It has fish that could eat me as an appetizer and still have room for lunch. The beluga whales were all kinds of awesome, though. And there was a gigantic and utterly gorgeous sea turtle.
I think what stuck in my mind most about the trip was that everyone in Dave's family thinks that it's good that I married him. They all told me he's so much happier since he's been with me, and that they're glad to have me in the family. It means a lot to me, because some days all I can see are the mistakes I make. It's good that people who care about him think I'm doing well.
